Everything is moving along just as normal as can be, which for me is a very good thing. I am finally starting to feel better as each day passes that I might have a future life. I have such a great family support team and feel that with them I can do anything. It's been a difficult time for me, but I have tried to stay positive. Sometimes it can be hard especially when my sight is not working right. Since I have only one eye that has good vision I rely on that eye all the time. The vision in my right eye has not returned since the radiation treatment and it probably never will. All I can see is a big blur and some distorted shapes and colors. My left eye gets tired a lot from the strain of doing all of the work. It's a little hard to do normal things like driving and walking around. I lose my balance sometimes and have to hold on to walls and railings. I actually fell down some stairs the other day because I've been wearing sunglasses indoors to protect my eye from the light and didn't see the last few steps and slid down on my back. It was pretty embarrassing, but I got over it quickly. I am truly grateful to at least have one working eye and continuing to eat plant-based foods and exercising as much as I can.
One thing I love to do is write poetry and for a while there I completely stopped writing. When I found out that I had cancer in my eye I think all of the life drained out of me. It's been 2 months now and with radiation treatment and my amazing Dr. Michael Seider giving me the best care I can begin to feel like there's something to look forward to. I will be returning to work in a few days after being out for 2 months. This will be a big adjustment for me because I haven't really talked about what has been going on in my life. I wrote a poem yesterday that resonates with what I am going through. It's not long, but it makes a statement and it can actually be continued if I feel like adding more.
Melanoma Eye
I used to love to look at my eyes
I'd see brown and green and
a wonderful spark of gold
I held my eyes dearly because
I have my father's eyes
and his same introverted soul.
Now all I see
when I look in the mirror
is the monster
that I have become
a dark chasm of swelling
wrought with malignant blackness
deeply scarred with pain
September 6, 2018, Kim Buckley
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